July 12, 2020 – July 15, 2020

Awww!!!! That was so cute! And yes, I really want to watch Miss. Congeniality now. 😜

I ran into this dynamic of the identical twin drama in Fangirl and Tweet Cute, and no matter how messed up my relationship with my siblings is I can’t help but think I’ve dodged a bullet. Or missed one, because what she says, what all those books say, about having a twin, a second half….

But that really isn’t what this book was about. I think the swimsuit contest put it best – it was about confidence. About seeing yourself in such a way that you can strut down a stage in your underwear, to be complete and utterly exposed, and not feel ashamed. To say “this is me.”

How could I ever feel that way about myself? There have been a few times I’ve felt that way. The one that comes to mind is this short story community further education class that the university my husband was at grad school for had that I signed up for.

I loved having a big bad due date to make me write. I loved the lessons, even though I already knew about 85% of what they were teaching.

But the part that made all the difference, that makes me think I can actually maybe pull this writing thing off, was when we read our final pieces in our little circle, and our instructor gave everyone a compliment on their work.

Then it was my turn. When I was done he looked at me and said, “if I was in a book store and opened a book of short stories and read yours, I would buy the book.”

That was my swimsuit competition.

It’s sunny outside. There is a bird chirping outside my window. My lap top is waiting.

But my hands… they are burning today from my nerve disease…

Ok, obviously I have to gush about boy. I loved it and loved him, even though I wanted to yell at them in the ice room that they are sooo breaking a million rules. But then he shows up at the end – you know what? I’m going to go read that part again. Happy endings, even better beginnings. ❤️

March 1, 2021 – March 2, 2021

I need to buy this book. It is officially up their with Edenbrook for a good feel good when I’m feel not great. I actually was hesitant to read it again, remembering that it was witty but was it actually shallow? I knew I didn’t think so at the time, but I still hesitated. I won’t again though because I just LOVED this little feminist romance. I feel both empowered and ravished at the same time. Which is kind of perfect. ❤️

September 28, 2022 – September 29, 2022

Update:
I bought the book. I was reading that Impossible Us book that was so painful and I decided that I needed to shove my head into a book I knew was good and made me smile. And I thought of this book and bought it and put my head down and finished that other book.

And let me tell you there is something magical about reading a honest to goodness paper book. Sometimes the pages are still stuck together a little and you have to break them apart, like breaking open a seal, making it clear that your eyes are the only ones that have seen this page.

Now what did I think? It’s still a great book. Sometimes a bit rambily but in a cute way. It didn’t bore me, and even the extreme pain of the hamburger party where she steps in it is at a manageable level.

Now other thoughts? I felt almost ashamed to be reading this book, letting alone liking it this much. Oh gosh what is WRONG with me? Or really the system I’ve been thrust into. I want to be taken seriously, and I think if people saw me reading feminist romcoms they would think less of me than if they found me pounding out a big fat epic fantasy. I don’t care what the statistics are for romances and how it is such a huge chunk of the market…

I think what has gotten under my skin is more about me as an author than anything else. I’ve written a YA fantasy trilogy, and it means the world to me. I gave it to an acquaintance I met online to read like a beta read – and she came back saying it was a romance. I was shocked. I hadn’t written a romance – I had written a straight up YA! Like City of Bones and Cinder and a bunch of other ones that wouldn’t be called a ROMANCE. I mean the guy doesn’t show up until Part Two!

When I reached out to a friend (who hasn’t read it) about what happened I got those stupid statistics shoved in my face, told that romance was fine, that there is nothing wrong with writing a romance.

But I hadn’t written one. Everyone else who had read my book said that yes there is romance in it, but that isn’t the point of the story. That it wasn’t a romance…

I sound like a little child repeating the same thing over and over again, because my confidence is still cracked.

So when I was sitting in my son’s gymnastics class reading and someone asked what was it I was reading, I had to force myself to smile and show the book, and yes it was a really good book. Because that is exactly what this book is, and I love it and will write fanfic in my head (they get take out that night) – but there is this horrible lump inside me that won’t let me enjoy it, and I’m worried that it will never go away.